Farewells, see ya laters, and no goodbyes

Sitting here at London Heathrow, completely bewildered at even just sitting in this seat, trying to steal wi-fi that doesn’t exist (feeling quite like I’m home in Joburg, really). To say my traveling experience thus far has been overwhelming is a stupid understatement.

Yesterday I woke up and felt a twinge of a panic attack, realizing that there was no denying that it was my last day in Joburg. I calmed down a bit by going to Bean There with Dillon, which is a coffeeshop that I’ve tried to go to three times before but its always been closed. We sat in the courtyard in the sun, and I tried to keep things in perspective, focusing on just the moment instead of jumping ahead to all the packing and traveling I had left to do.

After I got back home, my lovely friend Pru came over to keep me company as I tried to shove 4 months worth of clothes and bric-a-bracs into my suitcase. Bronwynn also came over, and the three of us tried to treat it like any other day, but there was such a sadness hanging over our heads. Bron and I said goodbye like I was just going on a brief vacay, which I think was easiest for both of us. Hard to believe that I’m so close with her since she just recently moved back from London a little over 2 months ago. Pru and I had the same sort of goodbye, focusing on the fact that my perogative is to get back here as soon as possible. Amazingly enough, just as she was leaving my friend Fats showed up, bearing cupcakes and boxed mojitos- I mean, what else could you really want? We tidied the flat and then sat on the balcony, watching Joburg fade into the rosey dusk that I so love. Fats is one of my specials- one of the people that I’ve bonded with immensely, along with Pru and Bronwynn. I’m so lucky to not only have met these amazing women, but to be leaving with sadness at having made these strong friendships in the first place (that’s a highly optimistic viewpoint that I actually am not feeling at the moment but feel like I should be).  Fats and I parted ways with an “enjoy your American summer holiday!” and then Dillon took me to the Gautrain which is a speedy train that goes to the airport and is basically the only form of public transport in the city. Saying goodbye to him was brief as I was running late, which almost made it easier. Given that he was my first friend here and also one of my closest friends, I think it was just as well that it was a hug and run.

I checked into the flight, only to be told that I was “very late” and they were almost done boarding, even though it wasn’t supposed to start boarding for an hour! I was definitely THAT girl, sprinting down the hallway, after getting questioned by customs and being told that I overstayed my visa, although it very clearly stated that I had extended it until today. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t able to get some of the souvenirs for people that I had wanted, and even that set me over the edge, as I boarded the plane trying to cover the tears on my face. Someone must love me though as there was no one in between myself and my British airplane seatmate friend Katherine, so I was able to spread out during the 11 hour flight here to London. Flying over Joburg and seeing the SABC3 tower and the skyline put me over the edge, though I’d been so strong with not letting myself cry the past few days for fear of not being able to stop.  Katherine was Britishly lovely, consoling me with, “Oh you poor thing. Are you okay, love?” I think finally getting to London has allowed me to put some of the immense sadness behind for now, focusing on how excited I am to not only see my friends in Boston and to be back in my adopted US city, but to look forward to seeing my family in a month and to being back in Glen Ellyn and Chicago for a few weeks. So much change is ahead, graduation from Boston College in just 5 days, and I have no idea where things are ultimately going, but at this moment, I feel okay. Disgustingly tired and emotional but okay.